


Madhouse

by AmberleaHarriet



Category: Jade Thirlwall - Fandom, Jerrie - Fandom, Little Mix, perrie Edwards - Fandom
Genre: F/F, This is a very very shitty one shot I wrote two years ago please don't hate me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 20:14:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15648147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberleaHarriet/pseuds/AmberleaHarriet
Summary: A (very bad and old) Jerrie one-shot.





	Madhouse

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this two years ago, it was for like a one-shot challenge? I won the challenge but I'm not sure how haha it's very very bad x

Her insurance had run out, what a stupid reason. Insurance. Jade Thirlwall was mentally ill, there was no doubt about it. 

I guess it's funny to think that a worldwide girl group member could mentally deteriorate in such little time. Inevitably, it had to be one of them, constant performances, breaches in private life, no breaks, the hate... Oh my, the hate.

Looking from the outside in you'd assume Jade Thirlwall to have the perfect life. She had money; fame; friends and a boyfriend that would supposedly do anything for her. But that's just the problem, as people, we look from the outside in - when, in reality we should be looking from the inside out. Maybe then we would have noticed the longing looks, maybe then we would have noticed the lack of speech, maybe then we could've stopped the deterioration if we had just shown empathy. 

Empathy.

A funny concept, we all claim to have it. We all claim to use it. But, at the end of the day how empathetic are we really? Does anyone actually care? Or are we all alone? Maybe she figured that out, maybe she had the answers... 

No matter what the real answer was one thing was clear...

Jade was sick.

And she needed help.

March 13th 2018

Jade was broken. 

Ring after ring came through the metallic device in her left hand, and ring after ring was left unanswered, she sat in the corner of the dark bedroom she had become oh so accustomed to. She hadn't left the house in a week, and she wasn't planning on leaving anytime either, the constant eyes watching her every move like a cheetah observing its prey, the lenses pointed in her direction, the judgmental hands that take the photos and the judgmental fingers that type the comments. 

The beasts behind the computer screen.

The enablers behind the cameras. 

Jade knew it was her fault. After all, she auditioned for the x factor - nobody forced her. She had to though, it was her dream. 

How was she supposed to know it would end up being her nightmare? 

She had fallen into a trap, and there was no way out. She was helplessly struggling to get free but everyone was too caught up in their own lives to notice.

March 20th 2018

Agoraphobia. 

Jade knew she wasn't agoraphobic. There's a difference between not leaving the house and being afraid to leave the house. She wasn't afraid - well - not of the outside world. She was afraid of the people in it. 

She had let them indoctrinate her with their propaganda and their hate.

She let them indoctrinate her with their beliefs and opinions. 

She let them twist her thoughts against herself. 

She let them enable her to hurt herself. 

Jade was falling and nobody was there to catch her. The carefully placed scars running up and down her arms and thighs, the lack of energy caused by the lack of nutrients entering her body, the dull and lifeless look of her face and skin due to deficiency of vitamin D. Jade was killing herself slowly and she knew it. She hated it, but she loved it. She was a living contradiction. 

May 7th 2018

Her phone beeped. 

Playing the melody that indicates to her that she has a message. She looked at the screen that she had just cracked due to throwing the object in frustration at the dark brown carpet that covered the floor boards underneath. 

*42 New Messages*

*105 Missed Calls*

Looking through the messages, she saw that everyone was worried. That's normal though, the last anyone heard of Jade was collective group message saying that she was done. She was done with Little Mix. 

Done with life.

I guess that had the opposite effect that it was meant to have. As Jade only found it all the more reason to stay inside. What's the fuss? People worry about her but after a while they will continue to live their life and forget her anyway. 

That's all Jade was, a passing memory, a temporary friend, a stepping stone to the good part. Jade knew Jed wasn't worried about her. They broke up the day before Jade went into hiding. It was Jade's idea to end it, stop causing him pain, stop forcing him to endure the harsh realities of Jade's life. Jade didn't even want to endure them. Of course she didn't, if she did she wouldn't be here right now, wringing her hands, squeezing her eyes shut trying to block herself off from the voices inside her head, trying to stop the constant whirlwind of thoughts that clouded her every judgment. She hated it, she wanted to be normal again. Why was she constantly turning into this lesser version of herself, its like there was two of her. She just wished there wasn't. 

She didn't want to be the real life version of Gollum anymore. 

She just wanted to be Jade.

She quit. She knew that, she lost her friends she knew that, Jade knew that she had no more money left, it was all spent on bills and bills and deliveries and food. Her account was running dry. Of course it was, her lifestyle was expensive, and now she wasn't being paid anymore it was bound to run out sooner or later. 

Jesy and Leigh had continued on. They had to, Jade wasn't replying and every time they showed up at her door she refused to talk, refused to show herself. For all they know Jade could be gone. Jade could be thousands of miles away, living it up. I guess they both held a bit of resentment towards Jade. She just left.

Empathy. 

They clearly weren't showing any.

Perrie - however - she wouldn't give up. most of the received messages and calls were from Perrie and her family. Although, they didn't really care as much as the should of anyway - I guess it didn't resonate in Jade's mind that ever since she moved to America it was hard for them to ALWAYS be there for her. 

Perrie showed up at her doorstep everyday, knocking, and screaming into the house hopeful of an answer. But she was always met with silence. 

Cold, dark, twisted silence. 

Perrie was always overly fond of her fellow bandmate. The cute bubbly tanned skin Geordie that would bounce into the room bringing a smile to her face even in her darkest of moments. So to be met with silence was terrifying for Perrie. She was worried, but she knew Jade. Maybe even better than Jade knew herself. And she knew that Jade would come back eventually. How? That was a question not even the overly optimistic crystal blue eyed girl could figure out.

Maybe it was because she was in love with her. But, in reality maybe it was because unbeknown to Jade, Perrie cared about her. 

This was proven when Jade read the final message from Perrie's contact in her phone...

*I'm sorry Jade, but I'm worried about you. This is it. It's been a little over a month and you haven't left your house once. Please Jade. You have to get help. Because the person you have become is not you. And you know it. Please Jade. Please.*

May 10th 2018

She stopped coming then.

I guess it really didn't comprehend in Jade's mind that when Perrie said 'this is it' she truly meant it. Perrie was gone, she stopped the constant visits. She stopped the constant texts. She stopped acknowledging Jade entirely. 

Jade knew this was going to happen. People, were bound to leave her. To forget. I guess she had just hoped for a little more effort from all of them. But the text from Perrie hadn't left her mind.

It was like fuel to the fire.

Her usually incomprehensible thoughts were now even more frantic and illogical. It was because she knew. She knew Perrie was right, that she needed help.  
That was it. She was exhausted. The constant internal battles and external injuries. The constant pain. The constant regret and guilt. The constant suffering. 

Always suffering.

*Ok*

Jade Thirlwall emitted herself into Kranton's Psychiatric Hospital for Girls the following morning.

Day One

Silence.

It's weird to think that at a hospital it would be silent. But that's what it was. It was an eerie silence, one that would make a sane girl crazy. I guess it was fitting in a place like this.  
Jade walked with the nurse. Her name was Valerie, she was nice enough. She was taller than Jade and had long brown hair that was pulled into a tight bun underneath her nurses cap. She looked like someone that you would be intimidated by, or maybe that was just Jade. She found herself intimidated by everyone these days.

She had blue eyes. Not as blue as Perrie's though, Jade took note of the fact that the first thing she did was compare people to Perrie. Jade was good at that. Rating people against Perrie, almost as if she wants for once somebody to better than her. So she can finally say "No, I'm not crazy about her," or "I don't love her," but that never happened. I guess another reason for Jade going on this downward spiral was Perrie. Sweet little blue eyes blonde haired Perrie. Jade was crazy about her. Crazy. Was she crazy? Maybe that's the reason she actually came to this dreadful place... 

For Perrie.

Maybe that's the reason why she even wants to get better in the first place. Nonetheless, Jade was determined to get better. To stop those haunting images that repeatedly showed in her mind of the younger Geordie crying for her, hurting for her, missing her. 

She walked Jade around the place showing her room 5D where Jade would be taking residence until she is ready to leave - or - kicked out. Valerie was talking about the rules and that's when Jade tuned out, she focused on the white walls surrounding her in such a way that she felt suffocated. The bathroom that constantly had nurses in - oh, what a joy - she has to bathe with the nurse. The reinforced windows ensuring that nobody escaped. It was like a prison. Not a hospital. It didn't look like a place that helped people, but, maybe it wasn't about looks maybe that was there tactic after all. Make the place as horrendous as possible so that people want to get better. So they want to leave.

I guess Jade didn't know what to think, Valerie, or Val explained that because she's a new patient she has to earn her rights. What the hell does that mean? Follow them like a lost puppy and obey everything they say until they grant her the advantages of visitors? Not like she would get any anyway.

Nodding along Jade continued observing the residence she found herself in - that was until Valerie mentioned the other girls. There were five other girls on the ward. Firstly, 1D Riley Thompson. She was 19 - too young in Jade's eyes. Way too young for this place. She was anorexic and bulimic and she was getting better. Slowly. She was quiet and quite frankly she didn't have many friends in this place. With a choice of 4 other girls it's surprising. 

2D. Bridget Smith. The "troublemaker". She was exactly like Lisa on Girl, Interrupted. But, less charming. Jade immediately thought to stay away from her. She didn't want to become Susanna. 

3D, 1/2 of Bridget's accomplices. Talia Montgomery. I guess that's all you need to know. She didn't talk to anyone but Bridget. Jade was surprised about how honest and blunt the nurse is about describing these people. But I guess years working in a psych ward you learn to stop trying to be buddy - buddy. 

4D, 2/2 of Bridget's accomplices. Xenia Meyers, she was bipolar. And lets just say NOT a people person.

Clearly, that was all Jade needed to know. Jade felt sorry for Riley. She was an outcast. Exiled from the rest. I guess that was why Jade did what she did. She said goodbye to Val at her room door, placed her stuff on her bed, and immediately went to room 1D. Where she hoped to befriend the younger girl. She was going to need a friend if she wanted to survive this madhouse.

Day Two

Riley knew her.

You see Riley had grounds and visitors privileges so when her 15 year old little sister Sapphire comes to visit she's kept up to date on the entertainment business. Or maybe it was just because coincidently, she was obsessed with Little Mix.

But that changed nothing, Riley treated her like a friend she had known for years, telling her - her deepest secrets and thoughts. Jade listened. Jade was always good at listening. Never at talking. No. Jade and Riley were fast friends and that brought a bit of comfort to Jade. She felt as if she knew someone that understood her. Jade needed that.

Breakfast was where she finally got to see the other girls. The hospital was small, and all the wards were the same. Ward D that Jade was on had 5 rooms, a group therapy room, a 'living' room/ dining room and a kitchen. There wasn't much else around. An art easel here and there, a musical instrument. I guess they tried to make it homely. Yet still a hospital at the same time. She looked at them, they really did only like each other. She watched as they pointed and snickered at Riley. Taunting her. No wonder her progress was slow. 

The nurses did nothing. They just simply ignored it. Allowed them to hurt her. Isn't that the opposite of what was supposed to happen? Jade took Riley's hand in a silent show of support. And that is when Riley ate the rest of her small breakfast. Jade smiled proudly, understanding how hard that was for her. Ignoring the disapproving stares from the three tormentors on the other side of the room. 

Group Therapy was first. Jade hated it. Group Therapy was shared between the wards. So not only was it the 5 girls from ward D but also the 5 girls from ward C as well. Jade didn't learn there names. Jade didn't talk. She didn't even listen - she didn't want to be there - neither did Riley Jade guessed by the constant looks from across the room clearly saying "Get me the hell out of here!!"

The there was therapy. Her therapist was Dr. Sophie Rydell. She was an older lady most likely in her early 40s. She started the session by trying to get to know Jade. Immediately that made Jade feel intimidated. So Jade said nothing. Noticing Jade nervous stare she changed her tactics. "Why are you here Jade?".  
Why was she here? Jade thought long and hard. But it was the same answer she had yesterday. "For Perrie,"

Day Three

Riley woke her up. 

After breakfast she had planned to have a bath before group therapy. But, that meant Val wold have to watch her. What an invasion of privacy. But, looking at the sate of Jade's arms and thighs, she expected nothing less. 

Therapy yesterday was an hour and a half of Jade talking about Perrie. She got lost in the description of the one girl she loves. She missed her, it was clear to see - the more she talked about her the more she regretted everything. She left her. 

But naturally that guilt didn't last long. Not when she remembered the hours of reading through hate and the constant demands of her management. Upon reflection Jade still believed that that was the best decision to make.

Therapy. 

"Why are you here Jade?". Why was she asking this again they already talked about it yesterday.

"I told you for Perrie..." Jade said quietly, talking, she hated talking nowadays. Hated boring people with her unimportant problems and her droning voice. 

"No, why are you here? Why are you in a hospital Jade?"

And that was a confusing question. Because Jade didn't really know. She couldn't decipher what were problems and what were normal. What she liked and what she loved. She couldn't figure it out. And that scared her.

Day Seven

She had done it.

Therapy and Group Therapy weren't doing anything for Jade. As of yet. She wouldn't talk in group therapy only pull funny faces to Riley across the room. And in therapy she would be completely fine but when faced with certain questions she would shrug and stop talking. 

But, she hadn't done anything wrong. Not only that but she had grown close to Riley. I guess when she was with Riley she felt normal. Like she had a friend, and she forgot about all of her problems and laughed and joked. Until she was alone again. And that's when it would come rushing back.

Because of this she had been granted grounds privileges and visiting privileges. And she knew nobody would come. But earning them. That made her feel better.

Day Eight

"Jade, you have a visitor."

Following Valerie into the living room she saw her visitor. Jade beamed when she saw the blonde haired girl sitting on the couch attempting to play candy crush. She was nervous. Jade knew her, of course she did, and she knew that Perrie never played candy crush unless she was nervous or angry. Its probably why she was so bad at it. 

"Perrie?" Jade's voice was quiet due to her still being shocked that someone came. That she came. Valerie left them alone to talk. 

"Jade!" Perrie jumped up and engulfed Jade in a hug, and they stayed that way. Happy and content in each others arms...

After 2 hours of talking the dreaded question came "Jade, what happened?" and that's when Jade flinched away from Perrie's touch. Shrugging and diverting the topic. "Are you going to come back?" Jade asked timidly scared of her reply, noticing the subject change Perrie sighed but realised that maybe it was too soon for Jade and said "Every day, Baba..."  
And Jade smiled. A real smile. For the first time in months. 

Ten minutes later, Perrie had to leave. Time was up and Jade had already missed Group Therapy. 

So she walked to Therapy with a big smile on her face ready to talk about the day.

Day Thirteen

Jade was improving.

She had begun talking to Sophie about her self caused house arrest. Not the self harm though. That was something that would take a much longer time to tackle.  
Anxiety. 

That was her diagnosis. She said that Jade had severe anxiety that caused her to become so severely panicked in situations outside of her home leading her to her house arrest.  
Sophie says it was agoraphobia but Jade refuses to believe it.

Perrie stayed true to her word. By the third visit Jade had introduced her to Riley. Immediately they hit off and maybe it was Perrie. Maybe it was Jade. Maybe it was just having a friend. But Riley began to get better too. She was leaving today.

After Riley's send off Perrie came to see Jade. But Jade denied the visit. She skipped Group Therapy not that she ever went anyway. And she skipped Therapy. Jade just stayed silent and ignored the world.

She was happy for Riley, but, selfishly she didn't think she could handle life in this madhouse without her. She felt as if the sky was falling down. 

Her eyes were bloodshot red from the tears that had been streaming down her face at the memories of her and Riley. But she couldn't break her promise. "Promise me you will get better Jade. Please," 

"I will Riley, I promise."

Day Twenty

Insurance.

The day after Riley left she got given her medicine. The medicine to give her what she needs she guesses. A calmer mind. Comprehensible thoughts. 

She apologised to Perrie, but Perrie understood so she just smiled and hugged her. Because that's Perrie. She doesn't hold grudges. She just tries to help. Always so empathetic. She started to get better the voices were muted now. But she still had the urge. The constant urge to pick up the blade and watch the blood stream onto the floor. She still hadn't talked about her self harm. About the way she found it beautiful to see the blood. On how alive she felt whilst doing so. 

She was ready though. Ready to stop this. To move one. Ready to get better.

As she reached her Therapy session she noticed that Sophie was sitting next to Dr Young. He was the owner of the hospital. She hadn't really talked to him before. Shooting them a quizzical look she sat down.

"Jade," he began "I'm sorry to say that your insurance has run out. You can no longer be in our care,"

And with one little sentence Jade felt as if her perfect little bubble had been popped. And, finally she was back in the cold, harsh reality of the cruel world.  
Perrie picked her up that day. 

"Come on Jade, you're going to stay with me,"

"W-what?" Jade was confused. Perrie didn't want to deal with all of her nonsense 24/7. Why was she letting her stay there? 

"You're my best friend Jade. I'm going to help you. You've already gotten so much better already. You can do it Jade. I believe in you, you just have t believe in you too."

And that was the end of the conversation. Hugging Valerie goodbye she said goodbye to the prison that wasn't so torturous after all.

Present Day {July 9th 2018}

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE WELCOME LITTLE MIX!

Perrie, Jesy, Leigh Anne and Jade walked out on stage and began preforming Power one of their most loved singles. Upon seeing Jade preforming again the crowed screamed even louder chanting Jade! Over and over again.

Jade smiled realising that if she hadn't got any help this would've been the life she was missing. After months of help from the girls and her new therapist Karen she was ready. Ready to preform. Ready to live. Ready to admit.

*Flashback*

Jade was with Karen. Her new therapist. "Jade, why don't you tell me why you're here?"

"I'm here to get better. For me."

Immediately the two began discussing Jade's problems with self mutilation. 

*Flashback over*

Jade was never going to be "cured". Of course not. There was no cure. She is always going to struggle with those problems. But right now. She was okay with that. She as better. She was no longer running from the madhouse of her own mind. 

And all of the people she thought she had lost? Were always there for her. When she was ready to ask for help. 

After the show

This was it.

"Perrie, I have something to tell you." Jade said nervously looking at the girl she had loved for years.

"Yes, Queen Jade?" Perrie said trying to ease Jade's nerves.

"I love you, like really love you. And I know this may ruin everything but I can't hold it in anymore and I'm sorr-"

Jade was cut off when Perrie leaned in and kissed her. All the emotions they had ever felt for each other was represented in that one simple act of love.

"Best early birthday present ever." Perrie breathed out after they had pulled away.

Smiling sheepishly at the younger girl Jade hugged her burrowing her head into her neck laughing at the comments made on the other side of the room.

"Finally, two weeks of constantly hearing how much you love her paid off!" 

"Oh, shut up Riley! Who even hired you as our personal assistant anyway," Jade joked.

"Uhh, that was you babe," Perrie said smiling at the encounter before her.

Jade had recovered. And she couldn't be prouder of herself for it.


End file.
